HELL IS FOR CHILDREN


 

They say that there is a special place in hell for women that do not help other women.  The same holds true for children.  Today, one such “woman” and a judge, Maureen Sogluizzo, of Hudson County is one of those women.

A child victim of incest told her deepest, darkest secret to a grand jury a few short weeks ago.  She told of the sexual abuse, she told of gasoline being poured over her. She told and now her abuser/father is trying to get custody/visitation of her two younger siblings. Currently there is a no contact order for this strong child but her younger siblings are still in the grips of a man who is hell bent on destroying their mother.  But this abuser cannot do this alone, he’s had help, a lot of help.  His money has paid many members of the legal community in New Jersey in order for him to have access to his victims all these years.  Judge Maureen Sogluizzo and others in the Hudson County courtroom are well aware they are being watched.

This ‘father’ was indicted on March 5, 2014 of 7 charges, 3 counts of 2nd degree sex assault against child and 4 counts of physical endangerment of a child, and this judge is considering allowing kids back there! Another Judge from Hudson removed the children on March 5th after grand jury indictment.  He was arrested March 12th and this case going to trial.  Head spinning yet? 

For those that know the family court system and the continuous failures inside the dirty little secret of family court we know how badly these failures can end for battered mothers and their children.  Several cases comes to mind, Jessica Gonzales, Dr. Amy Castillo and many more.

The below videos are just some examples and only the very worst case scenarios that happen when judges fail children.  If this man is not a danger to children, his own. then he should NOT have any custody/visitation until the criminal matter is settled.  The judge should err on the side of caution and should use due diligence when considering any move towards placing a child with a known violent man.  WE ARE WATCHING AND THIS BLOG AND OTHERS WILL CONTINUE TO SHINE THE LIGHT ON THE CORRUPTION, COLLUSION AND CRONYISM IN HUDSON COUNTY, NEW JERSEY JUDGE MAUREEN SOGLIUZZO.

 

Corrupt courts;Pandemic for Moms: 6 year old Child Imprisoned for Telling the Truth


Corrupt courts;Pandemic for Moms: 6 year old Child Imprisoned for Telling the Truth.

6 year old Child Imprisoned for Telling the Truth

Child tells the social worker and everyone else “Daddy made me lick his penis“.

Days later child is removed and put into complete isolation from mom, siblings, family, church, school and extracurricular activities. She can not speak to mom or rest of the family via phone or skype. She is not allowed to give her homework to her mom. She is not allowed even the smallest courtesy of her own clothes. Instead the state buys them and bills the mom while returning a bag of perfect even fashionable clothes. Next they may as well slide food under her cell door. Better not give them ideas. It seems harsher than even prison. Since in prison your allowed money for vending on your card. Your allowed visitors and phone calls. Your allowed to speak without sanction as long as respectable.

So conclusion Foster Care in some places in Michigan is worse than prison for murderers.

The child has been given some agreement, that is in question. Child stated “I didn’t break our deal” when social worker enters room because child whispered something private about needing to go to bathroom. Child also says ” I can’t hug you mommy or I have to hug him”(pedo dad who made 6 yo child lick his penis). Why would anyone force a child to hug someone like that? What kind of deal? Why is it not known by all parties? Seems like blackmail if they told child she cant see mommy if she says daddy made her do oral sex. Maybe that’s what they said because child is even more fearful now.

Child has begged and begged to come home. They wouldn’t even think about Christmas letting her go. Funny thing is the only evidence they had for removing child was that mom had a bad psych evaluation 3 years ago.She had good one too but for some reason that doesn’t count.Who decides what counts? In my eyes a bad and good balance each other out.

The state law on removing child into foster care says you must have exhausted all efforts for reunification~ Odd since the week before they asked mom’s attorney to extend supervised order to keep child safe from dad. When did they even tell mom looking at her as suspect ? When did they tell her there was  a problem? When did they ask her about psych eval? In fact they never did and they never did reunification!! So they broke the law?  Judges are allowed to break laws? I never saw that in the constitution!

Due process is in constitution though!

Social worker blatantly lied! She perjured herself and even proves it in her very own report! So all it would take is for the  judge to read her report and he would see the lies. Do judges read? Hmm, law school requires reading.  Therefore judge either can’t read or can’t hear or doesn’t care as he is as corrupt as sugar is sweet.

Child has drawn explicit sexual drawings for therapist alone with no parent in room.Therapist was licensed by social services to interview children to evaluate if abused. Somehow his opinion about said child was not good enough and he was let go.Why is his evaluation good when its other children but not this child? Maybe they don’t want child to tell truth about sexual abuse. Why, Is dad powerful? Is he scary? Has he blackmailed them or paid them off? So a child suffers because CPS is corrupted!

Sexually explicit drawings are not done by 6 year old children who are not abused in some form.

Child sees yellow lip gloss and freezes. Child says “that looks like daddy’s penis looks like this but its brown not yellow.”  Wow, in my whole life I have never heard how lip gloss looks like a penis. It does though now that I think of it. Why would a child who has allegedly never been abused think that when they see a simple thing like lip gloss.

Dad raped one woman in car with child present!

Dad has two members who are sex offenders already. In my mind I see a puzzle that fits clearly Do you see what I see?

Dad was caught naked in bed with 10 month old ! Why? What kind of man crawls in bed naked with a baby?

Child says Daddy slaps me there! Hmm toddler points to vagina and says this. Why is he touching or slapping there?

Children do not lie about abuse because they do not want to talk about it let alone give details!

Children can not keep lies straight.

Children do not know sexual words and descriptions unless they have seen them.

This mom has raised 4 perfectly healthy children with her ex.They have all graduated college and married healthy spouses. It was not a perfect divorce but they shared children and looked out for them above all!

Why would this child lie? She wouldn’t! 

SILENCE


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“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” Elie Weisel from her 1986 Nobel acceptance speech.

I want to share an experience with you. I am and have been a volunteer mentor for women who are victims of domestic violence and are involved in custody issues. I am also a non-custodial mother. I talk to and offer support to women on a daily basis and have for some time, that is the backdrop for this event.

My best friend has a special needs daughter. When I lost custody of my child, she was there for me. She told me she needed help raising hers and would welcome my input. Her husband did not help much in that department. A few years back she asked for my input when Trinity wanted to play a game on line. Mom said it would help her with the math reinforcement she needed for school. I said it could get her started on gambling, because addictive behaviors go with her diagnosis, and because the game gave you bonus “money” for doing certain things. Mom said that was silly, because they have free offers with credit cards now and enticements for lower interest rates. Neither of us suspected the real problem.

There was a chat room in that game and she could make friends all over the world. She was having fun texting her friends from different countries and making pen pals. She met a guy in the chat room too.  The guy took up a lot of her time, and encouraged her to use phone minutes she did not have. He helped her create a facebook, and helped her sign up for Skype.  Trinity told her parents about the boy, and they thought it was cute. Trinity did not say he was a man, and all are unsure as to when she figured that out.

He encouraged her to take nude pictures of herself. Trinity has always had boundary issues, that symptom goes along with her diagnosis. Trinity wanted to please him, and asked if there were certain poses or what parts of her he wanted pictures of.  Even though they were Skyping, they have an older computer that does not have a web cam.

When she asked for help setting up a web cam, her parents were eager to help her, and it was in that process they discovered some of the messages that were exchanged.

So…I asked what the police had to say. Mom said she never called them. I could not believe my ears! I said you HAVE to call them! Heaven only knows how many other children he has done this to or worse! Mom says he is in Europe, and they fear bringing it out in public will damage their child more than staying silent. I told her not saying anything sends a message to Trinity that the abuse is ok and she should just be silent, which is wrong.

Then my bestie stood up, and she is taller than me! It was an intimidating move on her part too! She said to me, “I was there when they took your child, I was in every court hearing by your side and I have read all your court papers. Do you know what I learned from that? I learned that you should have kept your mouth shut! Since that time through your talk and all your “advocacy” work I have learned that if I report this to the police, I can lose my child! I love you like a sister but I am not taking the same path you took! We will work this out as a family and some other family can expose him for what he is. Let them air out their families dirty little secrets for the world to see! I understand that we all need to take a stand against this crap to make it stop, but look at the girl in the military who reported her rape and all she has gone through!”

Some days I just wonder. My Bestie and I, as I look at our arguments past and present, I see we are both correct, just from different perspectives.

This is hip wader material. Are we as advocates actually encouraging women to stay silent when we share our experiences? Is this a cycle of it’s own? How can we encourage women to speak out when they see what happened to us when we spoke out? We know things are not going to change until all domestic violence is reported and addressed and the perpetrators actually get charged, yet when it gets reported we lose custody of our children and are often punished in other ways as well.

I am very tired of chasing my tail in this circle, and I am ready for the next generation of advocates to develop better strategies than we have.

© Mia Tyler Kailin

THE PAYBACK


While I appreciate that Oconto County et al is still watching this blog it never ceases to amaze me that CPS worker is so concerened about her name and posts about CPS workers LYING on their reports. . . right Carrie?

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Yes my child has a voice and it’s very strong for being almost 15 years old. Since you don’t know how to do your jobs and hang around googling your names and searching this blog for info; here’s a little ditty for ya.  The following is a piece of poetry my daughter wrote.  She continually tells “mandated reporters” at her school about her home life with her father.  Don’t you think it’s high time you did your job?  I know my child thinks so and so do I.

Dedicated to CPS worker, Carrie Silbernagel-Burke and Oconto and Brown County Child Protection Agency

 

 

PRETENDING

I go to school pretending

everything is fine

I say “I’m okay”
I can’t believe I still stick with that line.

I pretend I didn’t go through

a “father abusing me phase; life had a lot to face.

I don’t want anyones sorrows or

their pity.

Yeah, I know it’s not all that shitty

That’s what you’ll say.

I want him to pay, pay for

everytime he would hit me.

All I would say is that

I miss my mom.

Is that so wrong?

I just want him to go away.

He  causes me so much pain, physical pain.

Am I the one to blame?

Don’t feel sorry for me

And don’t forget my NAME

by M.M.H. (you know who I am)

child-abuse

A Voice for Men uses pic of brutalized woman to illustrate post blaming feminists for domestic violence


BADASSS MAMA:

RE-VICTIMIZING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. All together now…”The wheels of ABUSE go round and round”

Originally posted on we hunted the mammoth:

[TRIGGER WARNING for picture of brutalized woman]

If you want to show someone what sort of website A Voice for Men is, have them look at the following screenshot, which I’m putting below the jump because it may well trigger some readers in its depiction of the effects of domestic violence on women:

View original 934 more words

YOU MIGHT BE A PAS-HOLE


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If you abuse your intimate partner and then get mad when she leaves you and then use the family court system as an extension of your abuse

. . . YOU MIGHT BE A PAS-HOLE

If  your kids are afraid of you and don’t want to spend time with you becaus of your anger issues

. . . YOU MIGHT BE A PAS-HOLE

If you blame your ex for everything that’s bad that happened in their life since they left your abuse

. . . YOU MIGHT BE A PAS-HOLE

If you tell your kids that their “other parent” is a bitch, whore, slut, tramp, drug abuser, alcoholic, hooker, stripper

. . . YOU MIGHT BE A PAS-HOLE

If you tell the judge that your ex has made the kids not want to be around you

. . . YOU MIGHT BE A PAS-HOLE

If you are constantly trying to figure out ways of getting your kids to “hate” their own MOTHER for your own selfish gain and revenge. . . . YOU MIGHT BE A PAS-HOLE

WHEN all of your tactics from the above true stories backfires on you when your children are adults and no longer have to be influenced or forced into any relationship with their mother’s abuser, their father, don’t blame anyone else but yourself ASSHOLE.

 

WHAT IS PAS???

 

PAS (Parental Alianation Syndrome) is a psuedo-scientific theory invented by the late, pro-pedophile, Dr. Richard Gardner in the late 1990′s.  It is not recognized by any mental health provider worth their salt and is often labeled as JUNK SCIENCE.  PAS was originally invented to use as the “abuse excuse” for pedophiles and pedophilia.  Through much unsuccessful attempts by the father’s right’s lobby to have PAS put this “mental health disorder” into the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-5). 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/science-isnt-golden/201106/parental-alienation-syndrome-another-alarming-dsm-5-proposal

http://www.nomas.org/node/168 

http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/DVP.html

http://www.cincinnatipas.com/

http://www.oup.com/us/catalog/general/subject/SocialWork/?view=usa&ci=9780195384048

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAednTCJAlo&list=PL59468FB3CED63D7C&index=1

Impact of Father Figures on Boy’s Future


FASCINATING ARTICLE DEBUNKING MYTH THAT SINGLE MOMS CANNOT RAISE CHILDREN SUCCESSFULLY WITHOUT A FATHER-

I have recently come across a brilliant article written by Shelbi York- a student and activist.  I am so happy someone has finally come out with research showing that a mom can in fact raise children without a man in the house.  For years- every time a young adult gets into trouble of any kind- single moms are blamed-

“The broken home” theory has always annoyed me.  Fathers do not determine if a kid will turn out good, or troubled.  It is true that a child benefits financially from a second income in a home- but the actual relationship with a father does not contribute to how a child turns out.

Below is the article written by Shelbi– and I think it is a brilliant- truthful- research article.  Thank you Shelbi– for shedding light on the truth that nobody will admit- Please read the below article and feel free to post comments on the comments thread-

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Impact of Father Figures on Boy’s Future
Shelbi York
Eastern Kentucky University
SOC 313 – Social Deviance
October 26, 2012
         Determining whether or not father figures have an influence on a boy’s future is a question that is crucial in understanding the roots of juvenile delinquency.  In a society where we always look for reasons and labels for others and their behaviors, the blame is often placed on the father and the role that he played in the child’s life.  Determining the correlation between a father figure and the actions of the child when they are grown can help in determining whether delinquency occurs when there is a lack of fathering.  Based on what society tells us, I would assume that there was a negative correlation between the two factors.  By examining Shears, Robinson, and Emde’s “Fathering relationships and their associations with juvenile delinquency,” we can start to analyze this connection.
         Jeffrey Shears is a researcher, Associate Professor, and BSW Coordinator at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte in the Department of Social Work.  He has a PhDfrom the University of Denver.  With his focus being primarily on family health, Shears does a lotof work concerning the family structure and delinquency in minors (UNC Charlotte).  JoAnn Robinson is a professor and the director of Early Childhood Education Training in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Connecticut.  She has a PhD in Human Development and Family Studies from Cornell University.  She has a long history of researching families and young children in relation to the early impacts of intervention(Naropa University).  Robert Emde is a retired Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center and Adjunct Professor of Psychology at the University of Denver.  Emde has an impressively long list of affiliations as well as honors, awards, recognitions, and books that have been published.  He has focused most of his work on early socio-emotional development and early preventive interventions (ZERO TO THREE).
         Shears, Robinson, and Emde started out questioning whether a man’s relationship with his father affects the relationship that he, in turn, has with his child.  This research team looked at “87 men who were identified as fathers or father figures by women involved in two Early Head Start sites in Denver, Colorado (2002:79).”  Based on the interviews “about their experiences when their child was between 2 and 3 years of age (2002:79),” Shears, Robinson, and Emde discovered that a relationship did exist between the way a man was raised and how that affects how he raises his children.  This is an important thing for people who work with children to understand when assessing the problems that a child is experiencing currently as well as the problems they will experience when they are in their adolescent years.  The study could predict domestic violence as well as an antisocial attitude that would be projected to the child’s peers throughout life.
         The researchers found that there was a “significant correlation (2002:84)” between how a man rated himself as a father and how attached he was to his child. That did not find an attachment between his self-rating and the involvement that he had in the child’s life.  Based on this data, they determined that men with positive experiences with father figures generally felt as if they were good fathers with high attachments levels to their children.  They also discovered that there was not a direct correlation between negative experiences with father figures and engagement in delinquent acts (2002: 84).  The study also showed that the men who said that they had experienced high levels of antisocial behaviors indicated that they had low involvement with their child and rated themselves low as fathers.  However, the men who did report high levels of antisocial behaviors did not indicated that they had any lower levels of emotional attachment to their children than those with lower levels of antisocial behaviors (2002:84).
         As a society that is so concerned with labeling people, we often times want to blame someone else for the delinquent acts that occur.  Often times when juvenile delinquency occurs,the blame is placed on the father figure (or the lack thereof) in the juveniles’ life.  As we learned in class, Cesare Combroso was a firm believer that people are not born with free will and that they are instead subject to intrinsic biological propensities.  He believed that some people are simply born with genetics that are predisposed to certain deviant behaviors (Matthews 2011).  Shears, Robinson, and Emde’s research would certainly support Combroso’s claim.  Based on the lack of evidence to show that negative experiences with a father figure affect a juvenile’s engagement in delinquent acts (2002:84), it seems to support the argument that the juveniles that commit these acts are genetically predisposed to do so.  One can look at this in comparison to the data that shows the rates of juvenile delinquency occurring in children that come from single parent homes.  It might be beneficial to analyze what other factors that were present in the home could have led to the delinquency of the minor since this study shows that the lack of a father figure does not necessarily present a link to delinquent behaviors.
         This study agrees with Cooley’s theory of the looking-glass self.  Cooley suggests that we define ourselves as individuals based on how we look at society.  He believed that you never see yourself for who you really are but instead you judge yourself based on how you feel that society views you and how you measure up to what is expected by our society (Matthews 2011).  By concluding that most men who reported having lots of instances of antisocial behaviors rate themselves poorly as fathers (2002:84) shows that society’s pressures on these men are often negative.  It can be assumed that these men have low self-confidence based on the anti-social behaviors they admitted to having.  This low self-confidence could have led them into believing that they are less of a father than someone with a better feeling about themselves.  The standards for what makes a good father from society suggests that one needs confidence in order to be successful.  These conflicting sides of what society sees and what the responder sees are a perfect example of Cooley’s theory.
         The findings from this survey also can be easily compared to the Symbolic Interactionism Perspective.  Symbolic Interactists view society as an ongoing process of social interactions in which people are constantly learning and evolving.  They also believe that everything we learn, know, and believe is our own creation (Matthews 2011).  SI’s would suggest that men would have negative experiences with their children if they had negative experiences with their fathers because that is all that they have been taught and all that they have learned.  This experiment discounts this theory’s hypothesis by providing evidence to suggest that a man that has had negative experiences with father figures does not always have negative experiences with his children (2002:84).
         In conclusion, based on the findings from this survey study, one can see that the role of a man’s father does not necessarily determine how he acts as a juvenile or an adult.  This can be very crucial in debunking the age-old myth that single mothers are not as effective in raising their children as a child that has a mother and a father.  While it is often a plus economically to have a male (or another income-earner) in the home, this study suggests that the lack of a male figure does not have a direct correlation to positive behaviors in the future.  Based on this information, more research can be done to determine if this stands true for the general population or if it was only true for these low-income males.
REFERENCES
Matthews, Austin. 2011. Lecture on Social Deviance. Eastern Kentucky University.
Naropa University. JoAnn Robinson. Boulder, CO: Naropa University. Retrieved October 22, 2012 (http://www.naropa.edu/academics/distance-learning/faculty/joann-robinson.php).
Shears, J., Robinson, J., & Emde, R. N. (2002). Fathering relationships and their associations with juvenile delinquency. Infant Mental Health Journal23(1/2), 79-87.
UNC Charlotte. 2012. Jeffrey Shears. Charlotte, NC: The University of North Carolina at Charlotte. Retrieved October 22, 2012 (http://socialwork.uncc.edu/directory/jeffrey-shears).
ZERO TO THREE: National Center for Infants, Toddlers and Families. 2012. Washington, DC:ZERO TO THREE: National Center for Infants, Toddlers and Families. Retrieved October 22, 2012 (http://www.zerotothree.org/about-us/board-staff/robert-emde-bio.html).

Will the REAL abuser please stand up?


Battered mothers across sea to shining sea will all agree that they (abusers) are the same.  We’ve been told to take our “passion” out of speaking to the judges,  dress conservatively, don’t wear red (even though we’ve had a few rebels) act like a “lady” and then MAYBE just maybe the judge and other court personnel will treat you like a “human”.  In the perfect world we mothers like to believe that possibly one time we will be listened to, the evidence weighed carefully but most of all we hope that they will treat us like any one of them would want  their  mother, aunt, sister, cousin or daughter treated in family court as victim of domestic violence.  Battered mothers in family courts are special creatures.  You see we are the ones who, so far, have beaten the odds of being killed by an intimate partner.

The statistics show we are the “lucky” ones.  But when we enter the arena of family court we don’t often feel so lucky after all.   It’s bad when you may think to yourself that death would have been a better fate than continual litigation by your former abuser, the actual legal term is “vexatious litigation”, but don’t bother trying to use it in family court, doesn’t work that way for mothers.  Like the other favorite legal tactic by abusers the infamous PAS a.k.a. parental alienation syndrome, don’t get me started.  Point is that it can be  extremely hard for a victim to walk into the lair of family court and know who her enemy is.  I myself when I walked through the hallowed halls of Oconto County Wisconsin mistakenly thinking that people of power will protect my children and I.  Not only is advocacy needed for domestic violence victims to leave the abuser or “awareness” for those who apparently live in a delusional world where mommies don’t get hit by daddies.  They do.

The new “survivor” will need the ammunition for when she is summoned to family court by her abuser, because he’s not done with her yet.  It goes back to the abusers own “ego” where they too believed we would never leave them and when we do it’s earth shaking for a controlling asshole.  But now he has “friends” in the shape of legal personnel that will look upon you with disdain. Through the many battered mothers that have formed relationships with other battered mothers from all parts of the world we have learned that even though our stories may be different their is always the common denominator  the abuser.  If I had a dime for every battered mother that has heard other battered mothers plights of family court hell, say “sounds exactly like MY abuser”, I would have enough money in a legal fund to help millions of mothers.

During these final weeks of “Domestic Violence Awareness” month we hope to that the general public also is “aware” that after daddy loses control over mommy he goes after the children, it’s the abusers way, he’s not done with you until he says so.

The aim and dedication of this blog, and many others that have flooded the internet since 2008, are made for battered mothers who have been to hell and back, to show the world what they are doing to us.  The wheels of abuse most certainly go “”round and ’round” and only some survive.   Now that the other women are awakening with the “War on Women” we can only hope still that one day a mother can leave her abuser safely with her children.  Unlike the “cookie cutter” shape of the abuser, we are individuals but our commonality is that we are loving mothers who will stop at nothing to save our children and future generations of females and to put an end to these human rights violations.