Will the REAL abuser please stand up?


Battered mothers across sea to shining sea will all agree that they (abusers) are the same.  We’ve been told to take our “passion” out of speaking to the judges,  dress conservatively, don’t wear red (even though we’ve had a few rebels) act like a “lady” and then MAYBE just maybe the judge and other court personnel will treat you like a “human”.  In the perfect world we mothers like to believe that possibly one time we will be listened to, the evidence weighed carefully but most of all we hope that they will treat us like any one of them would want  their  mother, aunt, sister, cousin or daughter treated in family court as victim of domestic violence.  Battered mothers in family courts are special creatures.  You see we are the ones who, so far, have beaten the odds of being killed by an intimate partner.

The statistics show we are the “lucky” ones.  But when we enter the arena of family court we don’t often feel so lucky after all.   It’s bad when you may think to yourself that death would have been a better fate than continual litigation by your former abuser, the actual legal term is “vexatious litigation”, but don’t bother trying to use it in family court, doesn’t work that way for mothers.  Like the other favorite legal tactic by abusers the infamous PAS a.k.a. parental alienation syndrome, don’t get me started.  Point is that it can be  extremely hard for a victim to walk into the lair of family court and know who her enemy is.  I myself when I walked through the hallowed halls of Oconto County Wisconsin mistakenly thinking that people of power will protect my children and I.  Not only is advocacy needed for domestic violence victims to leave the abuser or “awareness” for those who apparently live in a delusional world where mommies don’t get hit by daddies.  They do.

The new “survivor” will need the ammunition for when she is summoned to family court by her abuser, because he’s not done with her yet.  It goes back to the abusers own “ego” where they too believed we would never leave them and when we do it’s earth shaking for a controlling asshole.  But now he has “friends” in the shape of legal personnel that will look upon you with disdain. Through the many battered mothers that have formed relationships with other battered mothers from all parts of the world we have learned that even though our stories may be different their is always the common denominator  the abuser.  If I had a dime for every battered mother that has heard other battered mothers plights of family court hell, say “sounds exactly like MY abuser”, I would have enough money in a legal fund to help millions of mothers.

During these final weeks of “Domestic Violence Awareness” month we hope to that the general public also is “aware” that after daddy loses control over mommy he goes after the children, it’s the abusers way, he’s not done with you until he says so.

The aim and dedication of this blog, and many others that have flooded the internet since 2008, are made for battered mothers who have been to hell and back, to show the world what they are doing to us.  The wheels of abuse most certainly go “”round and ’round” and only some survive.   Now that the other women are awakening with the “War on Women” we can only hope still that one day a mother can leave her abuser safely with her children.  Unlike the “cookie cutter” shape of the abuser, we are individuals but our commonality is that we are loving mothers who will stop at nothing to save our children and future generations of females and to put an end to these human rights violations.

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