As October approaches I think about Halloween, the changing color of Autumn and most importantly Domestic Violence Awareness month. Since being a survivor since 2005 when I made a promise to myself to never allow any man to abuse me again.
In 2008 I began helping other women caught in abusive relationships, networking with other survivors and continuing my journey from victim to survivor. The attitude of “pay it forward” I’ve held has come to fruition with my blog and website, alongside several other projects that I’m positive the “powers that be” will not be pleased with.
I have pledged my life to help women that need it
I will never shut up, give up or go away, not now, not ever
I AM A SURVIVOR, WARRIOR, MOTHER, WOMAN
I AM STRONGER NOW
MORE THAN EVER
I was 18 when I was first hit by the man who would someday become my first husband. I will never forget that first time nor any other later abuse, but they say, the first cut is the deepest, but they probably never have been abused, because women can and will take abuse for years for various reasons. Learning that you deserve love and safety is hard to recognize.
It took me three daughters and almost ten years of marriage and one baby bottle thrown “tossed” at my face while holding my 14 month old baby girl in my arms that made me realize my dreams and hopes for happiness were waning. My ex-husband to this day maintains that he has never abused me and merely “tossed” the bottle at me….who tosses anything to anyone while holding a baby…especially a bottle filled with milk?
My abuser knew my weakness… my daughters, and taking them from me.
But he’s never expected the strength I’ve gained by his rigorous training of making his “perfect family”….but he doesn’t know that….
Children and mothers never truly part –
Bound in the beating of each other’s heart.
– Charlotte Gray
But this is not the moral of the story, it is empowerment, growth, loving and respecting yourself, but most of all forgiving yourself for not recognizing the signs of an abuser. Once you are a full-fledged survivor you will recollect what your training has taught you, he had tried to break you but you are NOT broken. I found my love, best friend and soul mate. I have forever broken the circle of abuse and I can now say that I love myself first, I didn’t settle, I fought and I never gave up. I hope that my daughters and their daughters someday will never have to experience the abuse that I have endured.
But IF I had to do it all again, knowing NOW what I didn’t know then…I would never change what brought me here to this day….for anything.