Let it be known that I have had a love/hate relationship with Oprah since I was a child. I am almost 41 years of age but I can say that as a child in Chicago I watched Oprah when she was a lowly reporter on AM Chicago.

Oprah started to have shows that women really cared about and she cared about us. She got us to leave our abusers and that one day when I watched a woman named Susan sit with Oprah and talking about her life of abuse, soon after that show I left my abuser, for good.

So now in this August isssue of “O” magazine there is an article “Why Didn’t They Stop Him?,” by Phoebe Zerwick. It details of how Vernetta Cockerham

“did everything by the book. She took her abusive husband to court. Got a protective order. Reported his violations to the police. Yet in the end, none of that was enough to prevent the worst tragedy she could imagine. Why aren’t the laws against domestic violence enforced?”

Gee…let’s think about this one

Instead of the chastising that women received about the Rhianna case, where Oprah instructed that if “he hits you once he’ll hit again” now we’re getting understanding, finally. Oprah is finally wrapping her head around the concept that it’s easier said than done getting out of an abusive relationship and harder still when children are involved.

As we’ve seen in 2009 with the surge in domestic violence and subsequent murders (murder-suicides)

The most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves her abuser.

Abusers make it hard for you to leave and when and if you do they really make your life hell. I lost my job because my ex vandalized my vehicle not to mention the other economic, social and other forms of control. The most important factor in leaving an abuser is having family, friends and government to be your support system, that doesn’t usually happen.

Family and friends will shy away from an abused woman…not wanting to get involved and the government will ignore you and usually fail to protect you.

NOT to mention what they do to you in Family Court.

I am a lucky one because I am literally a survivor. I saw the future if I stayed and I saw death, his or mine and I was sure it wasn’t going to be mine.

So thank you once again Oprah for shedding a light on the dirty secrets of domestic violence….we could have done it without you….mostly.

Although we survivors have learned, the hard way, that we won’t get the help we need or deserve so we’ll have to do it ourselves as with leaving an abuser and don’t expect any Oprah’s on white horses to save you….save yourself first.